5 Repeating Questions For Expert Listeners

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5 Repeating Questions For Expert Listeners
When we see a pattern of miscommunication on a regular basis or we just haven’t given it much that, we should pause and reflect. These 5 suggestive questions will help us do that.

Maybe the problem isn’t a clash of personalities at all. Maybe, we haven’t made sure that we are being understood. We may be misunderstanding others as well and piling on the confusion. How do we start fresh?

I suggest we make a regular habit of repeating back what has been heard. Try re-stating the speakers’ sentiments and see if you accurately understand them.

When I take the time to follow this advice with my wife I often find out the subtext I was reading determined more what I heard than the words she said.

This is critical for clear communication. Many times we think we are being clear and never realize we are in a completely different conversation. We have to be expert listeners.

This is a good way to make sure you are fully recognizing worldviews. This is the best way to make sure you understand the depth and boundaries of an emotion or its roots.

This practice helps us to obey scripture.

James says to be quick to listen, able to speak and slow to anger. This habit builds in a safeguard to help ensure we become that type of person. To be sure, this is a work of the Holy Spirit.

I’m only saying that if and when we intentionally follow after Jesus, He changes us and will therefore change all of our interactions in every way.

We can especially improve our listening everyday at the water cooler. Here are some examples of how you might begin some of your questions:

1. “Are you saying this…”

2. “So, what I’m hearing is this…. Is that what you mean?”

3. “Can you explain what you mean by that, cause when I hear those words I think this…”

4. “Let me try to articulate what you’re telling me, to make sure I’m following along…”

5. “Would you be willing to go this far with that thought…”

This isn’t always necessary. Sometimes we are able to shoot from the hip and walk away. Listening general is hard and often listening takes work. Sometimes we have to aim first.

10 Comments Add yours

  1. Very good; thanks! Addressing your conversations with your wife herein was definitely the Holy Spirit’s influence; appreciate your discernment and obedience to Him!

  2. memoirsofkeisha says:

    Good insight, I’ll be sure to try these when the opportunity arises

  3. Way says:

    Really like this post! Listening thoughtfully, openly and fully communicates volumes of respect. It’s like pushing the crack in the door wide open for both parties to fully dialog. Sometimes, just a further definition of a word can change what you think you heard. What you’ve outlined here keeps doors of communication wide open by extending respect and good manners.

  4. bethanyk says:

    Something we should all practice!

  5. “So… what I am hearing is this,” the good Lord gave us one mouth and two ears. With a ratio like that, one would think we’d all be good listeners. But that’s not the case if we’re not zeroing in on first asking your five, recommended, excellent, key questions. The time it takes to ask them is short… and that’s great… because then it gives us more time to open our ears to REALLY hear those answers… “Is that what you mean?” PS… thanks for following my blog.

    1. That’s about the size of it and you’re welcome. This comment kind of shoes why I wanted to follow your blog. Thank you.

      1. You are welcome… thanks for your kind words.

  6. Seeing a friend tomorrow and will be in a situation which is going to call for being a really good listener and when the time is right to speak with humility, honesty and love. So your post was bang on time and timely – thank you, James.

    1. Thank you and thank God.

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